My day off. I had to be at my mom’s doctor’s appointment this morning. She was transported by ambulette because it is too painful for her to travel in a car. She has been in and out of the hospital and nursing home for 7 months, since having a heart attack, heart bypasses, and bypasses in her legs (which have since been removed). I think she has been home a total of maybe three weeks since before the first of the year. It took the EMT’s a long time to get her there for some reason, and I spent a lot of time staring at the walls in the waiting area. It wasn’t too bad, the decor was nice. The waiting area has an ocean theme, complete with a salt water aquarium with marine fish. I snapped this photo with my phone while I waited:

Mom is diabetic (Type II). She has very poor circulation all over, due to arteriosclerosis, but particularly in her extremities. This has led to her having developed dry gangrene in her toes on her left foot. Here is a photo of a person’s foot (not my mother’s foot) with dry gangrene. Her toes look very similar to this:

Yeah, it’s gross, and painful. The doctor is going to give some other wounds on her more time to heal, and in two weeks they are going to attempt to do another bypass in her left leg in an attempt to save any part of her leg that they are able. If they are able to find a good way to bypass they may only have to take her foot, or maybe a portion of her lower leg. If they can’t find a suitable way to bypass they will take more of her leg a day or two after they attempt the bypass.

My mother is only 66 years old. To some of you that may sound ancient, but to me that isn’t very old, and certainly too young to be facing all the things she’s been dealing with.

I am off soon to the nursing home for a meeting with her social worker and therapists. My day off isn’t really a day off, after all. The dishes will wait…I have to attend to my mother’s needs. It’s the least I can do for the woman who brought me into this world and took good care of me as an infant and child. Amazing how some things come full circle.

Or has the price of a payphone gone up? Are there even payphones that exist anymore? I mean, I think most everyone has a cell phone now, right?

My son has misplaced the charger for his cell phone. He swears he put it in his bag and brought it home after the last couple weeks of summer visitation with his dad, but it is nowhere to be found. His dad says it’s not at his house, though I am not sure I can really believe that, since he didn’t want him to have a phone in the first place. His dad feels threatened that our son can call me anytime he wishes. I got the boy a phone because his dad wouldn’t allow him to call me during his visits with him (which is against the court order, and just plain wrong anyway). Mind you, I never call my son while he’s away…but if he feels homesick, or just wants to chat about his day, I want him to be able to call me.

I have looked all over town for a charger that will fit his Nokia Snap (U340) phone. No one has one in stock. Radio Shack can order one…for $30, and it wouldn’t be here for a week. No thanks. I ordered one online for $8 including shipping. The only problem with that is it won’t be here before he leaves on Monday for a two week visit, the last part of the obligatory summer visitation.

What to do? His phone is dead and we have no way of juicing it up. I’m thinking of getting a minute phone for him, though I can ill afford the cost on top of the family plan I have with my own cell carrier.

Money woes. When it rains…ya know…*sigh*

her·e·tic

 [n. her-i-tik; adj. her-i-tik, huh-ret-ik]

–noun

1.  a professed believer who maintains religious opinions contrary to those accepted by his or her church or rejects doctrines prescribed by that church.

2.  Roman Catholic Church – a baptized Roman Catholic who willfully and persistently rejects any article of faith.

3.  anyone who does not conform to an established attitude, doctrine, or principle.

Am I a heretic?

The commenter/subject from my last post got me thinking…

According to this definition, let me analyze this possibility:

1. I do not go to church. I am not a member of any particular denomination. I do not hold fast to any denominations’ doctrine. No Heretic Points

2. I have not been, nor ever will be, a member of the Roman Catholic Church. No Heretic Points

3. This may be the one that sinks me. There are more than a few viewpoints I have where some might consider me a non-conformist. But I fit right in with the other non-conformists of my ilk. Hmm…me=pirate. K. Possibly A Half Heretic Point

Time to start my own cult, I guess. Don’t worry, I won’t be serving Kool Aid…but I do have cookies, if anyone is interested.

I was recently called out by a commenter about my stance on abortion, mentioned in this post. It was my post for the Featured_Grownups topic, “What do you worship, follow, or believe in?” Admittedly, it is a touchy subject, and one I hesitated participating in. Here is the comment in full. I am not linking the commenter, but if you’re curious, you may see the comment and who posted, I have left it there:

To which I responded:

Having attended nursing school, I am very well aware of the various stages of cell separation and growth. You’re right, I am entitled to my opinion, as you are yours, but please do not presume to tell me I have a mistaken understanding of the Word of God. Perhaps I should expand upon my brief statement, but you have no understanding of the depth to which I have studied both the Bible and medicine. Thanks for your comment. Have a nice day.

Perhaps I am right believing what I do, perhaps I am wrong. As a Christian I do not believe my stance on abortion (Freedom of Choice) will damn me to Hell. I also do not believe that having an abortion will damn me to Hell. I know, there are a lot of Christians who do believe that, and you are entitled to your beliefs.

I do understand that we all are very passionate about beliefs we hold strongly, especially when it has to do with the possible snuffing of a potential life. I get it. But where in that does it make it okay for someone to stand in the way of someone else making a decision for themselves, whether it’s a right or wrong decision? Do you walk your own walk or do you think you can walk someone else’s walk? Is it the government’s decision what a woman can do with her body and her fetus? Or is it a decision made with careful thought and prayer? I know, some don’t think and pray at all. That is their choice, as well.

All I can say is I have three beautiful children whom I could never have aborted. That was my choice. I could never presume to tell another woman how she should think, feel, do, or act. That is each individual’s choice. I can only make choices for myself. Where does the admonishment to not have abortions end? With the bombing of an abortion clinic, or the murder of an already born, adult abortion doctor? That’s crazy, but some feel justified doing that to save the unborn. If abortion is wrong and a sin, that’s just as wrong.

Most, of course, take the more peaceful approach, picketing abortion clinics with placards of photos of aborted fetuses. It’s an in-your-face approach, for sure, and it does make one pause. Those photos usually show a well developed fetus, but in most cases a woman has an abortion at an earlier stage than that, as “eighty-eight percent of abortions occur in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy.”

I am not sure of the success rate of those picketers to stop someone who wants to have a legal abortion, but I’d say it’s not a very high percentage.

Would it make any difference in your opinion of my stance to know that when I was 18 years old I had an abortion? I did. I had an affair with a married man. I was stupid and didn’t use protection. I was in no way ready to have a baby, as I was in college and not able to support myself, let alone another life. The “baby daddy” told me in no uncertain terms that he would not be there for me or the baby, should I choose to keep it. I could not bear to bring a baby into this world to give it up to a stranger. I just couldn’t at that time. Maybe I was selfish and immature, but I couldn’t fathom it.

I know, the very fact that I had an affair…it was wrong. I sinned. I never did it again. I also never had another abortion. I did not take my decision lightly. I had the abortion when I was probably 2 or 3 weeks pregnant. It was horrible, and painful. It was emotionally damaging. Yet and still, if it is someone’s choice, I still believe it is between them and God. I have already asked for forgiveness a long time ago, and I know (even though it is not a license to sin) that the blood of Christ covers all.

Do you think I will burn in Hell?

Do you believe in God’s grace, no matter what the circumstances of a person’s sin?

The commenter just left me more:

So much the worse for you that having such knowledge at your fingertips you misuse and manipulate it to fit a conclusion you don’t want to drop.
Producing credentials (i.e. nursing school, in this case) is usually meant to make the argument drop, but I don’t see how it’s particularly relevant here–I’m not going to turn this into a flame war, but the “gathering together” of Christians, as you mentioned, isn’t always just church or other fellowship: Sometimes, it’s the iron-sharpening-iron process of rooting out what heresies we hold on to, the duty of brothers and sisters in Christ to help each other find the truth.
I do not doubt your study of the Bible OR your understanding of human biology, just your reasoning on this subject.
Thank you for your time.

My response:

If I thought your rebuke was made in Christian love and kindness maybe I would take it differently. Heresy? Wow. Dear girl, I am far from a heretic. As you try to assert your spiritual superiority, remember that you are human and imperfect just as the rest of us. Were your comments made to make me drop the subject? Won’t happen. Run along. There will be no flames, I won’t comment you again.

What do you think, readers? What would your response have been?

I had to get up at 4:00 A.M. this morning in order to wake up enough and get ready, and then get to work by 6:00 A.M. Anyone who knows me knows I am not a morning person (and what Piratess is? And where’s my rum? WHY IS THE RUM ALWAYS GONE! I wanted a daiquiri!). Ahem…

Anyway. It was a fairly busy day at work today. We had two large group home orders that needed to go out today in my home delivery department. I bagged probably 4 or 5 dozen bags, most of them packed full with institutional sized canned food. Bagged them, and loaded them into carts, some of which had to be taken to a cooler or freezer. My middle aged body does okay under these circumstances, but I do have my limits. After that I had about a dozen private home orders I had to ring and bag. I was done by noon and given the okay to go home, since I was toast by then, and had pretty much spent a full day working.

Oh, oh! Something interesting did happen today…my ex mother-in-law (first husband’s mother) came in to shop. I haven’t seen her in many, many years, but she still looks the same. I recognized her immediately, and before she saw me I darted into my office. I really didn’t want to speak to her. She was never very nice to me. After all, I married her “baby,” her only child. No one was good enough for him. Nevermind that I put up with his alcoholic ass for 6 years, I was not good enough for him. I didn’t keep house well enough. She’d get mad when we had to borrow money from her because we went over budget…over budget because her “baby” would rack up hundreds of dollars worth of alcohol on a bar tab we had to pay every month. So, she is not on my list of favorite people. The only problem with me wanting to hide from her was that I had work waiting for me out in the store. I didn’t have any help to do my work today, it was just me, and I had to get back to it. I took a deep breath and walked out of my office. There she was, not 15 feet away from me. She looked at me. She had a sort of stunned look on her face. I was probably the last person on earth she expected, or wanted, to see again. I looked her in the eye and smiled, and nodded in acknowledgment. I said, “Hi. How are you?” “Fine,” says she, “I didn’t recognize you with short hair.”

I just laughed and walked on. I laughed because that comment was ridiculous. I had short hair the whole time I was married to her son. I think she was trying to cover her reaction to seeing me by saying it was something other than sheer surprise. She probably peed herself a little when she saw me. I dunno. Maybe her mind is going and she knew she knew me and couldn’t place me? Nah, I haven’t changed all that much. She had to have known who I was.

Surely I was no worse a person than the woman her son is currently married to. She used to be a vested teacher at a local “high class neighborhood” school, until she was caught on camera stealing money out of other teacher’s purses.

My first ex husband used to be a cop. Used to be, until he was offered retirement instead of being fired for sexual harassment. Real winner, that ex mother-in-law’s “baby” is.

I don’t really care what she thinks of me, never really did. Hopefully, though, she will shop elsewhere from now on since she now knows where I work. It would be more comfortable for me to not have to think about that time in my life, and seeing her today obviously dredged up some old, buried resentment.

Have you ever run into someone in public who you didn’t want to see?