I am a mother, a wife, a daughter, a friend, a sister, an aunt, a co-worker…and other things I’ve forgotten or omitted. I have not always made great decisions, and the repercussions of those decisions not only effected me, but others whom I care about a great deal. I can honestly say I did not deliberately set out to hurt anyone in my journey on this planet. Sometimes the fallout from those bad decisions were like scattered shrapnel that wounded my loved ones and left them bleeding; sometimes I was so wrapped up in my own mess that I didn’t see it and didn’t help. Okay, probably a lot of times, maybe even most times.
I know that just saying, “Hey, I am really sorry, let’s just move on,” is not enough. I also know that there is no amount of money that could be paid in restitution for someone’s pain and suffering. I know there is no way to get back the past and do it over. That’s the bitch part…because there would be many things I would go back and change about myself and my decisions, to avoid pain in my life and the hurt caused to others.
Having walked on this planet for nearly 46 years I can tell you that I have had my share of disappointments (read: excruciatingly painful emotional, mental, physical issues) with others and can truly appreciate others being disappointed (read: having excruciatingly painful emotional, mental, physical issues) with me. We each have our own process of working through relationship struggles and there is no set time frame for that work to be completed. We can only hope that those who see us as having been an instrument of hurt or great pain in their lives will find it in their hearts to forgive us and move past the pain and into healing and wholeness. I know it is possible, I have done it myself. We can also hope that the hurt party will realize that no amount of hurting the person whom you’ve been hurt by will make up for the pain you feel.
All any of us has is this very moment. We are shaped by our experiences of the past. We gain wisdom from those experiences, but not by that alone: the greatest wisdom comes from learning to forgive and love and acknowledge that we are all flawed and imperfect. Forgiving ourselves is not enough until the other person comes to terms with their struggle to forgive, but sometimes forgiving ourselves is the hardest part.
Have you ever had to make amends to someone you have hurt? How did you go about doing it? What have you learned about yourself or others in the process?